You make me wanna Die

How can a person be so angry all the time? It’s unbeliebable!! And still I’m helpless about it and for some reason I don’t feel like helping, I’m not gonna say I hate her ‘cause I don’t, and I might not know many things in life but I’m absolutely sure that being mad all the time with apparent no reason and having a defensive attitude towards everything as If everything was about you, is wrong.

And I might not know many other things and sometimes don’t know what I want, but I’m 110% sure of that I don’t wanna be like her.

I just wished she understood that we don’t compete ‘cause we are not rivals for anything and we are not enemies either we can’t compete ‘cause we are not comparable, we are not at the same level and when she puts herself in that attitude of defending herself from an apparent attack that I never meant to do, she drives me crazy.

I hate that she offends me saying I’m ugly, stupid, immature, and so many other things, when I was younger I used to beliebe[i] in every single word she said, but now I doubt. And I doubt because there are so many people that tell me the opposite to what she says, its like she was trying to make me feel less so she can feel more but again she is comparing something incomparable.

I’ve tried to imagine I was in her place try to understand her point of view, but that’s just impossible to me, I just can’t understand, there was a time that I wished I could get her, but now its different, I don’t care anymore, I guess I simply gave in. But what I still wish I is that she could just try to get me as well, try to imagine she is in my place for at least a second.

But then again I look at her childhood and mine and they are so different that it seems impossible that we’ll ever get to an agreement we are not opposite, but our way of thinking is different and even if we sometimes agree in an opinion the reasons we have for it are so different.

So this is it, I give in, I’ll never get to understand her, I’ll never be good enough for her, she’ll always think I’m stupid, I’m ugly, I’m immature and so many other negative things that even if I try to ignore, they sometimes hurt me as hell, but then again I think he’s wrong, and maybe I am being arrogant, but I have valid arguments, and those arguments are everyone but her, except probably for him, but that’s another long story that I don’t wanna think about right now.

I just get worried about ignoring her ‘cause I’ve always being taught not to do it, I’ve always being told that I must respect and love her and always obey her, but then again I’m not that young anymore and the way I see things is different, and her manners and ways are wrong.

So I choose to ignore her to save myself and I know that doing it will only make her go deeper into the whole but I just feel like I have no choice, If I try to save her, she’ll win, and take me with her ‘cause it’s always being like that, and that’s never gonna change, ‘cause we don’t compete, we can’t ‘cause we have a different places and we’ll never be the same.

I choose to focus on the comments that help me and make me feel good, ‘cause what’s the point on listening and focusing on things that hurt you? It’s tiring and hurtful and only makes things worse, it only makes you feel like trash and I am sure that I am not, and I am not being arrogant or presumptuous I am just being honest and real to myself, she might not like me and she might hate me but I don’t, and as long as I have other people by my side that support me, she can offend me as many times as she want, and maybe she’ll hurt me and I’ll fall down, but I will always get up and go on.


[i] Belibe with “B” OMB Justin Bieber what are you doing to me?? LOL =D

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