It’s so pitiful and degrading how I am going the exact way he is.. he gets worse and so do I… and I wish I didn’t…

Right now I’m tired of crying…. such a long time since I last cried, that now I feel exhausted!! And I need a cigarette, but I don’t have any 😦

Why can’t I be who I want to be? Why can’t I allow myself to enjoy the things I like…?

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone… but I’ve been alone all along…

My truth hurts, and so deep!! It could kill me!! My dreams will never become true because I don’t have the courage to fight for them… I’m so fucking weak!! And my mother is DEAD, noone will ever replace or has ever replaced her, I can’t lie to myself, I’ve felt alone since I was 5 years old, and I try to hide it, I try to appreciate everything I have today, but nothing will ever fill the space in my heart that my mother left

Sometimes I feel like I didn’t really got to know her… but I like to imagine that she would understand me… and that’s why it is so fucking hard!! NOONE can understand me but her, and unfortunately for ME, she is not here anymore, I am ALONE.

Today I cut myself for the second time, the first one was curiosity, this one… well…

I started having suicidal thoughts when I was in Junior High School… and today I just remembered why… I’m such an IDIOT! such a LOOSER!!

And I like blood

P.D just so you don’t panic, in case you think I’m planning to kill myself.. I am not, at least not today… I already cut and I feel better now that I did it, and also because I wrote some of my thoughts…



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