It’s all about ‘In the End’

In the End

I remember the first time I heard the song “In The End” by Black Veil Brides, I thought it had amazing sound but I was incredibly doubtful about the lyrics.

Yes, I do want create “good reputation” for myself while I live, and I want to be remembered in a good way, I want to affect people positively… BUT “I’m not afraid to die” are you really not afraid to die? common!! that’s not true!! everyone is afraid to die!! it’s human nature, I mean it’s even an animal instinct…

And to be honest, even after watching Legion of the Black for the first time, I just knew there was something I wasn’t getting, but I didn’t know what….

I remember I watched Legion of the Black twice that day it was available on Facebook and I couldn’t help felling tearful when we saw Eve Black been taken to a psychiatric center… you would be surprised by how identified I felt!!

What I got from that movie, I mean talking about the song in question, is that it pretty much represents the apex of the whole story, it’s like everything together, almost like a summary or a conclusion.

I was really surprised then… when I got Wretched and Divine, (the record) and after listening to it I realized how that particular song is so powerful and how it simply feels different when you listen to it after you listened to the whole record.

I mean, the song is pretty much perfect, it has everything, wonderful lyrics, an amazing guitar solo, a nice bridge a very Black Veil Brides type of sound… and a catchy tune but without making it annoying. It’s Perfect.

And now that I think about it, it is not just the meaning the song had, (in terms of the story of Legion of the Black or the album), but the song by itself, the reason why I believe this one was chosen as the single, unlike Wretched and Divine or Resurrect the Sun (I don’t know I just think those 2 would have been amazing candidates as well…).

But my point is, the song is good by itself, but, when you hear it after having listened to the whole Wretched and Divine record, or if you’re watching Legion of the Black… you realice how powerful and meaningful the song is, as I said, it simply feels different.

I only had about one week and a half in my current job, and I remember how thins fucking stupid woman (I mean that lady with Black long Hair), made feel like shit just because I didn’t let her use the copiyng machine first (I know it’s so pathetic! haha…) but there she was, killing me with her eyes and yelling at me about how her job was very important (I WANTED TO SHUT HER UP!! I WANTED TO YELL BACK AT HER AND TELL HER I GOT THERE FIRST AND I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, I NEED COPIES TOO AND EVEN IF THEY AREN’T URGENT, AND EVEN IF MY JOB ISN’T AD RELEVANT TO THIS COMPANY AS YOURS, I GOT HERE FIRST SO FUCK YOU!!) but instead… I remained calm and even apologized, just because I didn’t want to lose my job because the truth is, that I like it, and despite the lady with the Black long Hair, I love going there and I feel like I’m learning a lot (which is the primary reason why I got a job).

So yeah… have you ever felt that type of frustration? when you simply want to almost hit the stranger person that in yelling at you and making you feel small?… I guess I have always being highly apprehensive of everything around me, specially the negative stuff… I just feel like I sometimes let things affect me more than they should…

(OH AND IN HERE I JUST REMEMBERED THIS PHRASE: “You can’t really change what people do, but, you can change how you let that affect you) Who’s is it?! (I think it’s Ashley’s but I don’t know from where or when.. DO YOU?)

So, call it destiny, divine grace or whatever.. but that day, when I got on my car after leaving work, the song that started playing was “In the End” , and still, I didn’t really understand why exactly, but it made me fell better (I thought that maybe just the simple fact of listening to Black Veil Brides was the reason, but it was something more).

After I got home and had something to eat, I went to my room and played Wretched and Divine again from my computer (ok… I’m sorry I was obsessed ok?…wait, I still am… XD…)

And I was there pretty much doing nothing and remembering my day at work… I realized how pathetic it was to let someone who doesn’t even know you make you feel like shit, and I thought again, about my future and ‘who I want to be’…  Do I want to be a successful marketer and maybe have my own marketing company someday? (Because the truth is that I love my carrer and I love doing market researches, designing promotion strategies, formulating publicity campaigns, etc… ) Or, do I want to make a living from writing music, singing an playing piano? I don’t know but, every step I make, though it fells good… I feel like it always distances me from the “being a successful singer” thing… and it’s a little sad, but I guess not sad enough… (or maybe my fear is not small enough… wait… fear is never small!! ok. I’m screwed XD)

And that, was the moment when I finally understood what the song means, or I mean that particular line “I’m not afraid to die“, it believe, it isn’t supposed to be taken literally, I think, and based on the rest of the song, that it makes reference precisely to taking risks and being brave, it simply means that, you must not let your fears (like the inevitable fear of dying) take over your dreams and illusions, “I’m not afraid to die” is like, my bravery is bigger than my fear.

In my case I guess… maybe I am not meant to be the type of singer that  sells out records and tours the world, maybe I simply am not meant to be famous, but one thing I’m sure of, is that I will always do music, because to me, this is like my own and personal therapy, it’s the one thing nobody can take from me, music is like and unconditional friend or a perfect boyfriend, and the truth is that, I have always being afraid to share my creations, because to me it feels like getting naked, and I guess I’m to insecure for that…

But on the other hand, I don’t really care, and not because I am being conformist, but because I do my music for myself, and If there’s something I don’t like, I can totally change it, because it’s mine (unlike many others things in life) I could loose my job tomorrow, my little turtle could die, or my diabetic grandma could never get out of the hospital again but, my music will always be there and I will always be there for it so, in that aspect, I definitely am not afraid to die.



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